Today I am 40 years old.

I have grown SO MUCH in the last 5 years. I used to be afraid of so many things.

I’m in the best relationship I’ve ever been in, with someone who really encourages and supports me. I never knew what was missing before. I have a partner.

Two kids became four, creating a big family. I’m thankful all four of these children are in my life and I’m so excited to watch them grow up. I always wished for a big family when I was a kid. My brother is 8 years older than me, so I didn’t have a lot of the experience that my kids are having. I think big families are good.

I taught myself public speaking, which would have been terrifying just a few years ago. I can get in front of a crowd (or a camera) without feeling nervous anymore. My next thing to work on is learning how to be better at communication when I don’t have total control of the situation. I’m not always great at that. 😉

I learned how to budget money so I can take trips and have adventures, so I’ve visited mountains and been to the Great Lakes. Of course I’ve found adventures to have here at home too. I think there are interesting things to see and do everywhere in the world and we often miss what’s in our hometown because it’s so familiar.

I started doing union work, which is leading to all sorts of opportunities. I’m learning how to help workers advocate for themselves (I still can’t believe I’m going to go to Washington DC).

I started a meditation group of my own. I found the confidence to do it in spite of my fears and without thinking about people who think I’m not good enough. (if you’re wondering if you’re good enough to do something, you are. Do it) And yes, it’s not sustainable yet. My wish is for it to pay for itself. But I’m comfortable with the possibility that I’ll have to shut it down, things will come and go. That’s how life is.

I have faced some of my baggage and learned how to put it down. I’ve learned how to be more mindful and not so anxious all the time. I think a lot of people I know would have a hard time believing I used to be a very negative person. I’m not that now. I am joyful.

 More than anything, I am so lucky that Alicia Marley fell in love with me.

 I’m looking forward to my 40s. I’ve spent a lot of my life afraid of getting older. But now I am fearless.



Want to come meditate with me? I’m at Ubuntu Village Monday nights at 7pm. Meditation Practice, Support, and Encouragement. 4327 Troost, Kansas City, MO.

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Another Way of Doing Things?

I went to St. Louis to sight-see with my girlfriend last year. It’s only a few hours away, really. It was the city my father came from. It’s the city where I was born. We moved when I was still very young, before I was old enough to start school.

I went there to try to visit my dad’s favorite places. And also to see a few things around the city, like the giant eyeball in the sculpture park (totally awesome). We tried to go to my dad’s favorite bar, where I remember playing shuffleboard as a kid. But it had transformed into a sports bar and, alas, the shuffleboard wasn’t there anymore. (is the table you play shuffleboard on called a shuffleboard? I don’t know.)

And we ate at one of his favorite restaurants, Hodak’s, where they gave us far too much food.

While we were there we visited the St. Louis Shambhala Center.

We wanted to experience something different, something not available here in Kansas City. We don’t have a Shambhala Center here.

And I was recognized there, for the first time, as a Dharma teacher. A woman from the center said, “Aren’t you Daniel, from Daily Dharma Gathering? I love your talks.” I couldn’t believe that happened.

Am I a D-list Buddhist celebrity?

That doesn’t sound right.

Anyway, that’s not really the point of this story.

The point is this.

I entered that room in the Shambhala Center and saw a breath of fresh air. First of all, the room. The “shrine” was a really simple table with some glass on it and water. It was not this big ornate thing. It was just simple and nice looking. The guy that led the meditation was just a dude in a sweater instead of robes. His name was Tobias.

He gave a little instruction and we sat. Then we did walking meditation and he talked to us about keeping our attention on what we were doing. He talked a little bit about what Shambhala is and who Chogyam Trungpa was. I remember him saying, “That’s a picture of Chogyam Trungpa, he’s dead.” with incredible emphasis on those last two words.

(My girlfriend remembers a little bit less emphasis, but still a weird amount.)

Then, we all sat in a circle and took turns reading aloud from “Turning the Mind Into an Ally” by Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche.

And then we left.

Now, why the hell did I tell this story?

Am I declaring that I’ve become a Shambhala Buddhist? No.

But I am saying this. I spend a lot of time worrying that maybe we’re doing Buddhism wrong, that we’re focusing on the wrong things sometimes. I wonder sometimes, why isn’t this more down to earth? Why am I looking at an elaborate shrine and people in robes?

Does this help me relieve the suffering of myself and others?

And why are we bowing and droning in monotonous chants, sometimes in foreign languages?

What if there’s a better way of doing things and we’re missing it?

Not too long ago a friend said to me, in the context of how we practice Buddhism, “I’m really not interested in pretending I’m something I’m not.”

When we cling to these old forms, are we pretending to be something we’re not? When we take on a foreign name? Or wear robes?

I just want to be real.

I wonder if things would be different if a kind of homeless Buddhism had emerged in the west, as people like Alan Watts and Jack Kerouac envisioned. I imagine a Buddhism that isn’t tied to things like lineage and tradition.

I think we, as modern Buddhists, should be taking a good hard look at the things we are doing. Some things we’re doing because they help us cultivate compassion and wisdom. But other things we’re just doing because that’s the way it’s always been.

Are robes and chants and lineages and talks about rebirth and spirits helpful to us on the path?

If they are for you, that’s fine. They aren’t for me.



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